can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
