party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
