I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
