Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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