I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
