I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Every concussion has its silver lining
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
