1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize