so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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