You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize