dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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