Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
