I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
