Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
