Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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