You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
