and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just had sex on a roof
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
