absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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