Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
