just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
