i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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