By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I want to make a zoo with you.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
