I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
