took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
