Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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