you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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