so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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