Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize