I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
