Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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