I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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