The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
