Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
