I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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