This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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