I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
