At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize