I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
