the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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