That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
