The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
