i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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