once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
