I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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