if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i will never coherently bang her
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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