I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
