I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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