just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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