I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
