Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
