I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
