Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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