she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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