Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
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