We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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