Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
