there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I am one with the molecules
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
