Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
