He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
