Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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