so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
