She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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