Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
