she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
