he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You left your phone here
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