She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize