brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
and she was petting her beer can
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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