Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
