Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
