i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
