He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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