Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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