there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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