i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize