is your mom at the bar?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
