I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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