Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
