I'm laying in your front yard are you home
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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