P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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