am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
