oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize