At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
