I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
