Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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