I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
