someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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