TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
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