They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
