Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
