Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
