i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
