Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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