I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize