Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
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