please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
