He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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