Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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