New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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