She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
