I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
